


The Things That I Should Have Said

by Kisskissspoilers



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: ALL THE ANGST, Angst, F/F, Romance, Seriously just depressing, this is not a happy fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-30
Updated: 2014-09-30
Packaged: 2018-02-19 08:34:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2381849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kisskissspoilers/pseuds/Kisskissspoilers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Laura graduates from Silas as her friends and Carmilla watch. Did I already mention how depressing this story is?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Things That I Should Have Said

**Author's Note:**

> So I got kinda ambushed by this SUPER SAD FIC today. It's rough and unbetaed, so thanks for reading it anyways. Hoping I got the characterization right, feedback is always welcome.

It was raining the day Laura Hollis graduated from Silas University, drops shattering on the hastily erected awnings over the ceremony. Carmilla watched from a distance, hidden in the shadows of the trees outside the library as Laura, glowing with pride, received her diploma. As she watched the little brunette get engulfed in a hug by her tall redheaded girlfriend, Carmilla felt the years of silence heavy on her shoulders. Loneliness curled snake-like in her chest, stealing her breath. She ached for a cigarette, but… _Laura always hated it when you smoked_ , whispered a little voice in her head. She took a deep breath and sunk against the brick wall of the building. _If only_ , she thought, _if only_.

_If only what,_ whispered that little voice. _If only you told her the truth from the start? If only you made sure she knew you cared? If only your fucking pride let you bend instead of breaking and running?_

_It wouldn’t have made a difference,_ she thought hopelessly. But her mind flew back to when Laura first came to Silas, all the things she should have said running through her head.

“You’re cute when you’re all riled up.”

“I like you, cutie. You're bright.”

“You can’t go to the dean, she won’t help.”

“Let me help.”

“I need to tell you something, Laura. And I need you to trust me. _Please_. ”

“I care about you.”

“Be careful. Please, please be careful.”

“I want you. I want you happy.”

 “I’m scared, Laura.”

 “I love you.”

“Please.”

“I know you love her too. It’s ok.”

“Can’t we both take care of her?”

A gust of frigid rain shook the girl out of her thoughts. Carmilla shivered, looked around. Graduation was over, guests and students straggling away in small groups through the rain. She looked around for Laura. At first Carmilla thought the younger girl had left already, before she spotted her, laughing with her friends, Danny’s arm around her shoulders, ring sparkling on her third finger. La Fontaine was earnestly explaining something, with Perry shaking her head fondly beside her. _She’s alright._ Carmilla thought. _She’ll be alright. I can’t ruin that again._

Carmilla stood, quietly pulling her coat closer around her. She took a last, longing look at the bright, happy group. She hadn’t spoken to any of them since Laura’s first year, and now she wouldn’t get another chance. _It’s better now_ , she thought. _This is better._

As she slipped away, Carmilla didn’t see Danny looking after her, wistfully. She didn’t see the redhead say anything to the others, didn’t see their heads whip towards her. She never saw the way Laura’s face fell, the way Danny’s arm tightened comfortingly, the way La Fontaine and Perry set their hands on Danny and Laura’s shoulders, murmuring quiet consolations. Never saw the way the group curled forlornly into itself, mourning their own lost possibilities, their own should-haves.

And so the world goes on, days into weeks into months. Hurts heal, aches fade. Hearts break and mend, still cracked but no longer shattered. We move on, and all that is left is our footprints. A vampire reappears every few decades, haunting Silas like a ghost. Former students become parents, aunts, godmothers. They find jobs, make lives in new places. And the seasons turn, time moving inexorably onwards.


End file.
